Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Amusing Anecdote: Street Robbery??

Apparently this has been going around since last month but I just read it for the first time, sent along by MattG. If it’s not true, it ought to be.

Reported to have been posted in Craig’s List Personals in January 2009:

To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah )

I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.

I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?

I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.

I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it. Oh well.

I'd like to apologize for not killing you, and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch.

Peace! -

Snopes.com, the rumor/urban legend researcher site, classifies the story as UNDETERMINED. If it was indeed ever posted on Craig’s List, it has been removed. Also, the story’s origin has been claimed in at least a half dozen cities.
There IS a popular pizza place called Vinnie Van Go Go's in Savannah. That’s the extent of my research into the matter. The only claim I make is that it really made ME smile.



JD said...

While amusing and I can see the point of taking his cell I don't get taking the wallet and shoes. . . I think if this was real and the cops found out doesn't that make him a mugger too?

anyway, thanks for the laugh! I am not sure I would have had the guts to pull this off once the gun came out, I think I would have just been happy the guy ran away. . .

Assrot said...

This gave me a good chuckle too Johnny. I read it somewhere last week and then could not remember where.

Kudos to Matt for an amusing story. One can only hope it is true heh? I'd like to have been a fly on the wall when it took place.



Brigid said...

I''m stuck at a hotel in Chicago. Thanks for a bright point, that made me laugh.

Old NFO said...

Good for a laugh, if nothing else! Thanks!

ktorrent said...

Vinnie Van Go Go pizza??? Who ARE you? LOL. I guess it's a southern thing. but then again, good pizza is good pizza. The amazing thing about the post about countering the thug is the wonderful male descriptives in it. Guys just know how to describe body fluids and solids better (I am attempting not to use foul language). They get so psychological about it--with us women, I guess we are so used to cleaning it up, that well, it's just not that emotional. A great post! I laughed my head off.

Christina LMT said...

Lovely! I really, really hope it's true.

Wyatt Earp said...

That is fantastic, even if it's not true. Although I sure hope it is.

SpeakerTweaker said...

True or not, that is some funny stuff. Thanks!


theotherryan said...

I saw that awhile back and really enjoyed it. Got a chuckle this time also.

James said...

The Craigslist posting that I suspect was the source (that Snopes can't find) is here.